Just a general introduction

What and interesting time it has been lately. Everything is changing. I feel different and I feel everything around he is growing dying and that something is spreading through the air. There is so much crap and there is so much everything happening that I couldn't even begin to explain. Everything is crazy. The poetics and the aesthetics of growing up seem painful and as if every one is Holden Caulfield in there own way. I on one hand seem to be having his inescapable problem which is that why bother with my constant change of mood. I cant remember the last time I felt like this. My friend seems to be taking the issues of friends difficult and just like Holden needs people but can't seem to find anyway of getting close enough to them without getting hurt. One of my best friends like Holden is having issues letting go to people. He is a great person and will be missed when he leaves but even if he stayed I dont think it will be better for me. I just dont know anymore. Im lost in a world of my own. I place that i both love and resent. These things I feel on the inside feel to be spreading and getting worse but I wont tell anybody basically until today when i uttered those words i felt like i was going to break down. I guess once a month just isnt enough anymore. I guess nothing is. Things stay things change things just happen and i feel completely fucked over if you want to know the truth. But i guess there is nothing anymore. i guess there really isnt anything. I guess that life cant change when you dont want it and i think that reaching for the golden ring is useless. I fear the future yet i also feel anxious to what it holds. I want something more than i have and i want something more interesting. Yet i feel nothing that i do it good enough, mediocre is my new achievement and if i get there i will let you know...